This marks the 17^th year that the American military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy regarding homosexuals in the armed forces has been in effect. That’s a really long time for such a stupid rule. With the stigma of homosexuality long diminished in the eyes of the modern world, it’s time for the military to catch up. 

Imagine being young and full of enough love for your country that all you want is to serve in the military. There’s just one catch: you’re gay. So now, you have two options: 1) enlist and keep your sexual orientation a secret from everyone, or 2) admit your sexual orientation and forget all about serving because the military won’t have you. There are no alternatives. You either deny yourself and join, or be yourself at the cost of your dream. Welcome to America, home of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy of military service.

While this has been military enlistment policy since 1993, I never gave it much thought until it was brought up by President Obama at his State of the Union address last week. “This year, I will work with Congress and our military to finally repeal the law that denies gay Americans the right to serve the country they love because of who they are,” he said. It was just one sentence in his 90-minute speech (50 minutes of speaking and 40 minutes of applause, anyway), but it was met with thunderous applause from everyone in the chamber (seriously, elected officials should really show some fucking restraint). Well, all sides but the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the President’s military advisors. For some reason, they didn’t budge at this proclamation.

Maybe they were showing typical military discipline. Or maybe they don’t want to change “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Maybe they want to continue discriminating based on sexual orientation in this day and age. Maybe homosexuals are still victims of the government just like black people and women once were. Maybe America is not the land of the free, just the land of the free unless you’re openly gay and want to serve in the military. For a country that sees itself as setting an example for the rest of the world, it’s doing a pretty shitty job in this category. There are still places in the world where homosexuality is punishable by death, you know.

Speaking of death, think about those soldiers stationed in the Middle East right now. It is hot, and the gear they’re wearing only makes it hotter. It is dusty, and the sand gets in their eyes and under their clothes and the gravel gets in their boots. There is no shade in the desert from the scorching sun. And right now, a squad of soldiers stationed in that miserable place is in the middle of a firefight, pinned down by enemy combatants who want to kill them. One of them is already dead, a gunshot wound to the head spilling his blood into the sand. Right now, they are not fighting for America or for freedom or for you or for me; they are just fighting to survive. This is happening right now.

I guaran-fucking-tee you that no one in that squad right now gives a shit and a nickel about his comrades’ sexuality.

But the military does, and that’s the crazy part. The military needs to focus on keeping the country safe and its troops alive, not wasting its time and resources on the sexuality of its members. It’s an insult to both the country it serves and the people it employs that the military even cares about something so trivial.

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” represses homosexuals who want to serve their country, plain and simple. It lets a male soldier ogle the women in Playboy, but not the men in Playgirl. It is a policy that lets someone married to a member of the opposite sex live on a military base, but forbids same sex marriage in the military entirely. For a military that always needs more troops, they’re doing a great job of limiting themselves with this discriminating policy.

What is the military afraid of? Maybe they think that if openly gay men are allowed to enlist that all of a sudden the barracks will become orgiastic daisy chains full of men having gay butt-sex in their downtime. I am pretty sure that is not going to happen. Maybe they are worried that if they abolish “don’t ask, don’t tell,” they’ll just be making themselves into matchmakers for gay enlisted men. News flash: soldiers are already not allowed to get romantically involved. Or maybe some people are just afraid of getting checked out by a pair of unwanted, amorous eyes in the community showers. Actually, that last one may already be happening but no one would know about it because the person doing the out-checking is required to keep his orientation a secret. Ironically, that’s a scenario in which “don’t ask, don’t tell” actually works to the closeted homosexual’s advantage.

Homosexuality is not contagious, and not all homosexuals are limp-wristed flamers. Allowing them in the military will not turn our soldiers into a bunch of pussies. The military still needs strong men and women, so they wouldn’t recruit a pussy whether he was gay or not. “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is an insult to what the United States stands for. If we can have a black man in the White House, then we can have a gay man in the military.